In just 4 months, after spending 90% of my life in Cheyenne, we are picking up and moving to Boise.  Miraculously, we have convinced Gramps and Bibi to move too, mostly by literally (and shamelessly) dangling the baby in front of their faces.  Moving makes you take stock, of your place, your possessions, your people.  MY People.  When we first started breaking the news a few months ago, we jokingly referred to The I Hate Kate and Andy Club--there was only ONE person in Cheyenne who reacted positively to the news and she's so sunshiny we question if she's actually human (I'm looking at you, A.W.).  Some people are down right angry that we are leaving.  They are the leaders of the IHKA Club.

I know change is hard, which is why I try to avoid it for the most part.  I've had people move away from me (I GUESS I forgive you, J).  And even though moving is pretty much the hardest thing I can imagine right now, all these negative reactions from people are just expressions of love.  I wonder if all of My People realize that for us, the ones who are leaving, the sadness is compounded.  When your friend moves away, you lose one person.  When you move away, you lose ALL of your people in one fell swoop.  And even though it's our choice to leave, and while I know they're not exactly "lost", it is an ache so deep that I can't really even acknowledge it. 

Then yesterday happened.  I was talking about how I am MIRED in the logistics of moving.  What to pack, when to pack it (during naps? ya right!), unpacking once we get there, where to set up the new studio, WHERE TO HANG THE PIG PAINTING IN THE NEW HOUSE???--all the important stuff.  I am so stressed out about it that I can't sleep.  The physical move itself, just packing, moving, and unpacking, seems so huge on it's own without all the other emotional stuff that I can't even see my way through to the other side.  I have NO IDEA how I will get there.  How I can BE anywhere else.  But regarding the major problem of where to put my studio, Christopher said, "Kate, you are the most resourceful motherf**ker I know, you'll figure it out."  Um...thanks?....  Yes.  THANKS!  And then the best part: 

And we will BE there.  And it will begin. 

Dear Alice,

Let's talk about sleep, Baby Girl.  You are the only baby I've ever had, so I can't say unequivocally that you are the worst sleeper EVER (in fact, you're probably not even close to the worst by miles), BUT you ARE the worst sleeper I've ever had.  Do you know that the only thing standing between Daddy's wish to do Cry It Out and at least three totally miserable, screamy nights for you, is ME?  That's right, this epic battle we find ourselves in is actually all one big massive effort to avoid CIO.  And you only have 8 days left to figure out that you should give in and join Team Mommy. 

We could be having so much fun, you and I.  We could be going places, and visiting people, and playing with ALL THE TOYS.  But instead we are spending our ENTIRE EXISTENCE just trying to get you to sleep.  In all your effort to not miss anything, you are missing everything!!  I know, it's too soon for such abstract reasoning, but I'll keep trying to explain it to you anyway. 

PLEASE, Sweetness and Light, don't make us do it!!

Love, Mommy

Today I had the first real melt down of parenthood...  Which I guess isn't that bad considering we are 8 1/2 months in.  I don't count the post-birth hormonal weepy period.  It wasn't what I would have expected.  I think it's just because I'm so tired.  I wasn't even having a bad day--the sun was shining, Alice was fine, but I just burst into tears and couldn't stop crying.  Luckily I was at mom and dad's and they gave me bacon and took the baby.

This was a surprisingly effective tactic. 

The last few nights Alice has been waking up screaming about half hour after I put her to bed.  I was so done tonight that I just brought her out to sleep on my lap while I watched TV (!!) and then brought her to bed with me. Pretty sure I'm creating a sleep monster and that I've managed to undo all our hard earned no-cry training in one fell swoop.  And I'm not sure I even care.  This is what January does to me.  Bad attitude all over the place.  It's like the Monday of the whole year.  Luckily it's over in only 27 more days...